My Sweet Baby,
With my back aching and my stomach growling for the scones I had just baked, I laid you in your crib. I patted your butt and held your hand for what seemed like forever. If you could talk I know you would have said, hold my hand mommy.
Your 5 month old little body just couldn’t let my hand leave.
I have noticed for the past few weeks you only sleep when touching me. At nap time you want me to hold you and at bed time you always have to be curled up beside me. At first I wanted this phase over quickly as the never-ending to-do list kept nagging in my ear.
Instantly, a flood of guilt washed over me as I thought about how I had been feeling.
Tonight as I laid you down I realized how quickly time is going. As I held your hand, tears started to roll down my cheek as I pictured how some day you wouldn’t need me anymore. Someday you’d be grown and no longer my sweet, little baby. Someday you wouldn’t want to hold my hand.
I stood there and held your hand as you sucked on your binky, all curled up in your daisy pajamas. You started to move and cry and instead of getting frustrated for not being asleep I picked you up and laid you on my chest. Within moments all 16 pounds and 27 inches of you were fast asleep.
The moments I am able to watch you sleep on my chest are fleeting and I know before long you will be grown.
Instead of getting frustrated I am choosing to embrace this season with you.
The feeling of being a comforter comes only from the ones we love and I don’t want it to slip away un-felt. I hope someday you get to experience the joy you have given me. The opportunity to be someone else’s comforter and place of peace.
Thank you for being my constant reminder of how quickly life goes by. May I never forget this feeling of overwhelming love. The to-do lists, chores, and work can wait as tonight I will hold your hand.
Your Hand Holder